Perfection: Why Narcissists don’t realize they have a problem

Everyone doubts himself at some point or other. No one thinks he’s perfect or that he’s right all the time. It is a fact of life – we are uncertain, we are confused, we are not sure. Maybe we cannot see the situation clearly, maybe we are shy in certain contexts, or maybe we just haven’t found our real priorities yet.

It is however, astounding to see how many people transform these doubts and confusion into envy towards others. How many shift the onus from trying to improve themselves or their situation, into trying to make trouble for, or compete with, others instead. It is one thing to have low self-esteem and own it, quiet another to project your self-hatred and your disillusionment with yourself, onto someone else.

Hating someone else is far easier than hating one’s self. And some find it much easier to shift facts in their favor, in order to be able to look at the mirror without gagging.

Of course, it doesn’t help that most self-deluding narcissists, scientifically also tend to be very good manipulators and have a talent for convincing and influencing weaker individuals. After so much effort and practice convincing themselves that reality is conveniently different from actual facts, how could they not be?

The pimple-faced looser with fake hair color and caked make-up enviously copying other people, the middle aged patronizing know-it-all trying to compensate for his low self-esteem, the entitled unemployed mom spamming social media with photos of yoga-class, the nasty bitch without friends dressing herself up only to take a couple of selfies, then taking off her frills again, the forever alone guy who finally has a girlfriend, yet spends more time bragging about it, rather than getting to know her.

Any of these sound familiar? There are so many of them. All trying to hide their weaknesses, trying to appear different from who they really are in a hypocritical show of strength. The only thing which is crystal clear however, is that they are weak. Scared. Alone. Since, instead of being able to face themselves – their fears, their weaknesses, and the need to communicate, they end up hiding themselves under layers of deceit, rather than admitting that they are not perfect.

And how can anyone improve and grow as a person, if they think there is no room for improvement? If they think they are already perfect?

As the wise man said: ‘I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.’ (Socrates)

On a personal note – I’ve (unfortunately) known many such people in my life. It is futile to try to change them, or kid yourself that they are worthwhile being with. Keep away from emotional vampires, or those who need to feel that they are competing with you in order to convince themselves they are worth something, rather than be your actual friends. Don’t let others project their own faults on you.

The only thing to do with narcissists, is to keep them well out of your orbit.

Am I being Sexually Harassed?

Where is the line between ‘just a bit of a joke’ and sexual harassment? When are we allowed to finally admit that something is making us feel uncomfortable, or that we feel threatened, without appearing ‘party-poopers’ or ‘milksops’ who do not know ‘how to take a joke’?

Seriously, can someone explain it to me please?

Yesterday, something happened at the office, which made me feel quite uncomfortable and which I did not like one bit. Someone behaved quite inappropriately towards me and the way he talked was also vulgar and out of place. This person works in my same department, however I rarely see him (thankfully), as he is in another building. He is also married and knows I have a partner whom I have a home with. Moreover, his wife herself also works in our same department too! (In a third building). Could this make his flirting and overt sexual advances any more inappropriate!??

Anyways, after this episode, I talked to my director and she kind of said it was quite out of place, but to take no notice of it. Fine. This morning, at 7.30am (I was still half asleep), the same guy came over to my office, he closed the door after him, came right up in my face, and tried to kiss me. Now, how’s that for ‘a joke’?

I was quite firm at that point and even raised my voice a bit, yet he went out slowly after I had signed for something, and continued to talk to me with a weird smile on his face, as though nothing untoward had happened… wow wtf. Is it just me? Am I a stick in the mud? Was it just a joke or does this guy seriously think I would have kissed him??

And before someone points any fingers, no I was not wearing anything skimpy or revealing – NOT THAT THAT GIVES ANYONE THE RIGHT TO TRY TO FEEL ME UP!

Now I’m feeling really uncomfortable. Somewhere where I generally spend 6-9 hours of my time every day no longer feels safe, and this is totally unfair. I don’t want to escalate it because first of all, this guy knows ‘people’ and wont get fired or moved for sure, and secondly because if I said anything, I would be the one appearing in a bad light, because I would be a ‘bitch’ who didn’t know how to ‘take a joke’…

Heh… I just hope this guy does’nt come over to our building again and that I won’t see him again any time soon…

Book Review – Coraline – Neil Gaiman

First let’s make this clear – this is a review of the book NOT the animated movie, although I loved the movie too (and it could still be construed as such).

That being said, I think what touched me most about this book is that it is truly a book for children. The plot line is quite deep, the psychology behind it is disturbing and twisted, and most of the story itself is so metaphorical as to be almost frightening, and yet, it is set so as to not only enter into the world of children, but also make every child who reads it feel totally at home there.

It captures everyday moments of every child’s life – the unlikeable ‘recipes’ served at dinner, the boredom of rainy days, the loneliness of children with no other brothers or sisters, the sense of loss when one’s parents seem distant and busy with their own lives, the way children’s opinions are glossed over and ignored when it comes to practical matters like choosing clothes for school.

Most importantly, it offers two different perspectives of parent-hood. On the one hand, we have Coraline’s normal family – her two working parents who both work at home and have their own studies there, who sometimes have no time for Coraline and who have forgotten what it’s like to be a child, and therefore do not understand her, yet who love her and would sacrifice themselves for her.

On the other – there are the Other parents – especially, the Other mother. She is a perfectly frightening representation of those clutching needy mothers, who need something to love so much, that they literally stifle their children, bottling them up in a bubble of fake smiles and repression – until finally the childrens’ individuality is squeezed into nothingness… which is what they become.

This metaphor of the needy cold mother, who selfishly does not really care about who Coraline is or what she actually wants, is the prevalent ‘monster’ in the story, and is all the more terrifying in that there are so many real monsters like her out in our world.

Coraline’s natural communication with the animals around her is so normally-portrayed as to be totally believable, and not relegated to the label of ‘magical’ or ‘supernatural’ at all. Cats talk, mice dance, rats can be spies – it is presented as a fact, and so it is.

This short book reminded me of the premise of ‘The Ocean at the End of the Lane’, where family issues are combatted by children through metaphorical intervention. Totally brilliant.

Against the Law and still nothing is done!! The Bullshit of certain Facebook groups!!

A couple of weeks ago, someone I know entered me as a member into a group she and some of her friends had opened on Facebook, to support a cause I knew nothing about, without my consent or knowledge. She just up and added me (and my bf too), without saying anything. Later on when I asked her about it, she said she had added me because she wanted me to write an article about this cause – basically in order to ask people for money.

Even had I been all in favor of this cause (which I am not, seeing as to how I am against layabouts acting rashly and irresponsibly, and then asking for donations from the public, and sanctions from the government, just to pursue their personal agendas), I simply hate being forced into a Facebook group without my knowledge and having to endure the barrage of posters, comments and random statuses on my newsfeed, not to mention the millions of emails linked to that. And secondly, seriously, did she really think I would write an article about this asking people for their hard earned money??

I gave the ‘Group’ in question a piece of my mind, regarding the issue they were asking money for in particular. They obviously did not like this, but I did not remain to see their reaction, since I immediately deleted my membership. It is important to note, that though I gave them my reasons why I thought this issue was totally inappropriate, I did so politely and wished them well before withdrawing my membership. I also contacted the person who had included me in the membership list privately,and told her why I did not think their cause was just, and was not interested in participating, much less write an article linking me to it!!!

Apparently she resented the fact that I did not share her opinion, and she unfriended me. lol. Well dear, you shouldn’t have brought the whole thing to my attention if you did not want my honest opinion about it right? Anyways this was the second time in two weeks that this person had forcefully integrated me in one of her many Facebook groups without my knowledge, and frankly if she had not unfriended me, I would have, so thanks for sparing me the effort of clicking my mouse. Another thing, not everyone is a stay-at-home unemployed Facebook addict, so good for you if you have time for all this Facebook lobbying – I don’t, nor do I wish to. When I have some free time, I write or read 🙂

TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE

Said Facebook group, a week later, created a petition on change.org. I would have thought nothing of it EXCEPT that they listed all the members of the group… AND MY NAME WAS THERE?!

Seriously? So, not only had I written a long statement about why I didn’t want to be a member and quit, now you also put my name on your petition for people to send you money?! Are you out of your bloody mind? Do you know what DATA PROTECTION is?? Do you know that putting up someone’s name and/or personal details online without their consent (or even knowledge) is AGAINST THE LAW?!

I contacted change.org and told them the information on the petition was incorrect and they told me I had to contact the person who had made the petition in the first place, in order for them to delete my name. I found the creator and contacted her on facebook, but she never replied. After a week of me sending her messages, she still had not replied, although I know she was on facebook as I saw her posting photos! I contacted change.org again and told them I had gotten nowhere, and am still currently waiting for a reply.

This ‘petition’ boasts that there are 108 active group members, of which I, seemingly, am one. Since my name was put there without my knowledge, I must wonder, how many of these so-called members actually know about it?

What else can I do to get my name out of there??

Oh and by the way – in the end I DID WRITE AN ARTICLE… AGAINST your stupid cause! I did not mention anyone by name or the cause in particular, but I DO HOPE YOU READ IT AND APPRECIATE MY CONTRIBUTION!

http://www.eve.com.mt/2015/02/01/passionate-about-animals-love-or-just-selfishness-in-disguise/

Bad Boys, Dynamite and Psychotic Lust

This weekend I re-watched one of my fav 80s Dark Comedies, Winona Ryder’s ‘Heathers’ (1988), where apart from teen angst and high school bullying, we get to see the demise of yet another bitchy cheerleader (yay!), a couple of jock bullies (yippie yay), as well as the sexy bad boy whom personally I would have done anything for (boo-hoo).

Awww come on admit it, we just love these characters don’t we? Yes, the guy is terminally and technically psychotic, I mean, he WAS a murderer, manipulator and schizzo, and he DID want to blow up the whole school, but considering that most of the students were assholes and that he was right on all accounts, not to mention sexy and slick as hell, how can one not sympathize?!

Yes, yes, yes, I have a soft spot for Christian Slater – does it really show so much? ;p

Apart from that – now be honest, who didn’t want to kill a couple of people and blow his/her own high school shitty life sky-high a couple of times right? So, yes I totally understand the guy, and if it had been me instead of Winona (Veronica), I’d definitely have been the very enthusiastic Bonnie to his Clyde.

The three ‘Heathers’ for whom the film is called were 3 stupid bimbos who could have given today’s ‘Mean Girls’, ‘Pretty Little Liars’, ‘Gossip Girls’ and all the other hellcats a real run for their money. I love to watch high school power play in general, but manipulative bitchy girls are so much worse than your usual dumbo jock waving his dick around stuffing nerds into lockers aren’t they? And when they finally get their comeuppance, I cant help but cheer, shriek, laugh, snigger and drool with happiness. I hate these kind of girls with a passion, mostly because in my time as a teen at school I was one of those nerds myself, and though I wasn’t stuffed in any lockers, I was treated badly in other ways by girls who thought they were gods’ gift, just because they had money to buy certain stuff, put on make up, and already had been going out with boys and making out at 13. Well, guess what? Most of them didn’t pass their graduation at all, and more than half were already single mothers by their 15th year. I, on the other hand, was in University when I was still 2 months shy of my 16th birthday.

*snigger*snigger* Sorry, but this IS a personal blog and I AM ENTITLED to looking back and seeing some stuff now that I am a ‘grown up’. So there! ;p

P.S What on earth happened to Winona Ryder btw? Haven’t seen her in a new movie in ages 😦