Michael McIntyre in Malta!

It really happened! Michael McIntyre, the 41-year old British stand-up comedian and actor, finally came to Malta! Reported in 2012 to be the highest-grossing comedian in the world, McIntyre had been a long-time favorite of many Maltese satire and comedy fans, and finally these were pleasantly surprised to learn that yes, their idol was performing in Malta as part of his world tour. The response of the Maltese was impressive.

Tickets for the comedian’s one and only performance, which was to take place on Saturday 22nd April at the Malta Fairs and Conventions Centre in Ta’ Qali, sold out within a mere 90 minutes of their availability. The response was so great, that another show on Friday 21st April, was later announced to be taking place as well.

Needless be said, I was one of those fortunate fans who managed to see McIntyre live, and boy, he was amazing. One of the things which impressed me was that even though he had been on the island for only one day, the witty and jocose actor had already started forming quite an impression about Malta and the Maltese. And as a real professional, he also joked and talked about his impression of our island during this show. Here are some points he made and which he presented in such a ribald and charming manner as to leave the audience roaring with laughter.

Maltese Roads

McIntyre told the audience of his surprise when, as soon as he left the airport, his car started to navigate up and down Maltese roads as if he were on a ship in high seas. ‘In Britain’, he said ‘we have a problem because traffic really slows down when there are road-works taking place, as these create obstructions. In Malta, it seems like you have solved this issue, since there are never any road-works at all.’ The snide, yet sincere jab had the audience totally in stitches.

Traffic

‘It’s astonishing to see how common road-rage is among Maltese drivers. Everyone seems to be in a race, competing against each other. Your island is so small that you shouldn’t be worrying at all – you’re all going to arrive at your destination in a short time anyways!’

Maltese Women

Michael seemed to be totally serious about this one, and we all agreed with him. He said that although he had visited many different countries during his tours, he was still awed at how beautiful most Maltese women were. He also noted that husbands and partners seemed to be very proud of their wives, wanting to introduce them again and again to the same person.

My article was published on LivingInMalta.com – please go here for the complete version.

Costumes trending this Halloween

 This year has been an iconic one for promoting fantastical characters, outlooks and styles. The media, not to mention the big and small screens, have done the best they could to dazzle, wow and impress us with an array of fashionable, cheeky and even retro looks. Last year, apart from the usual sexy nurses, she-devils and guys wearing a boiler-suit, Halloween was populated with Elsas, zombies, and even wanna-be Kim Kardashians.

Here’s what I’m betting we’ll see a lot of this year:

The Joker – This one never seems to get old, especially since the big screen seems to be re-inventing a new version of him every other year. In his last transformation, I must admit that he looks less like something that’s come out of a comic book and more like something that’s come out of a crayola factory, with some pesticide-induced euphoria thrown in. Thank you Suicide Squad…

Harley Quinn – Yup, kind of the female version of the above, except that she’s wearing a ‘F*** me Daddy’- I mean, a ‘Daddy’s Lil Monster’ T-shirt, and a pair of panties which I’m guessing are supposed to be micro-shorts. For those who don’t know, at the beginning of the story, Dr Quinn is actually a very smart psychiatrist working at Arkham Asylum. Her brains seem to fly right out of the window when she meets and becomes obsessed with the Joker, and she decides to chuck over her life and career to join him as a cute sexy sidekick. After all, that’s what women in love do right? Again, cheers Suicide Squad.

Assassin’s Creed – This on-going franchise never seems to lose its fascinating historical charm. 2016 not only saw the release of the Assassin’s Creed’s Chronicles last February, but finally also marked the completed filming of the eponymous movie, which was also partly filmed in Malta, and which will be out in theaters next December.

To read the rest of the article, which was published on EVE magazine follow the direct link: http://www.eve.com.mt/2016/10/25/costumes-trending-this-halloween/

Let’s send some Shit!!

So, last week and the week before I was sick with the flu + inflamed glands and got bored shitless at home staring at the TV. THIS week I sprained a muscle on my lower back. So here we are again. So fed up of the bloody couch.

Anyways, this morning I found a very interesting website which quite made my day – http://poopsenders.com/

Someone pissed you off? You want to get back at some bitchy colleague or shitty ex? Here’s your chance to send them a pile of horseshit… literally!

Am having a ‘Revenge’ marathon right now. Seriously, Amanda/Emily should just have sent a couple of gallons of this to the Greysons!

Quite made my day ;p

Hahaha

Masturbating with a Soft Toy

LOL – Seriously??

He didn’t even have the decency to buy it at least!

http://firsttoknow.com/making-love-to-stuffed-horse/?&utm_source=facebookshare

Another Joke presented by… THE MALTESE GOVERNMENT!! *sigh*

This is hilarious, seriously, the Maltese government, no matter which political party is manning the post, is a total joke. I admit, they have their good moments, like finally opening up their eyes and realizing we now live in the 21st century and finally bring us to step with the rest of the world by ‘introducing’ divorce (yes divorce in Malta only became legal a couple of years ago), making same-sex marriages legal (last year), and providing a choice for children who wish to take another subject at school instead of one which promotes only the Christian religion, under the misleading title ‘religion’ (this is still in process).

However, every silver lining is to be found in the middle of a very dense and smokey cloud… metaphorically speaking.

The latest joke is this – apparently a certain study showed that more of half of the over-70s in Malta are suffering from high blood pressure (most old people do – unfortunately it’s one of the ‘perks’ of getting old). One of the reasons for high-blood pressure is also a salty diet, that is, eating salty food.

http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20150303/local/health-authorities-to-discuss-salt-content-reduction-in-maltese-bread.558236

Since the problem is that middle-aged and senior citizens seem to disregard the fact that due to body changes which happen later in life, one’s physical synapses and metabolism change, and that therefore one cannot continue to eat the same foods one ate during one’s youth with impunity, the obvious solution here would be to educate the masses. Maybe provide free classes or other information in order to make people aware of the importance of a balanced diet.

BUT NO – The Maltese government, in a funny twist of mind-numbing and mind-bending trapeze-scrambling, has decided that since old people eat a lot of bread, and this is ‘salty’, new laws stating that the percentage of salt used in dough should be written, in order for the bread one buys in shops to be ‘more healthy’… seriously… WTF?

I love Maltese bread. It’s fresh and crunchy and really different from the bread I bought while I was in other countries lik Britain, Ireland, France and even Italy. There is no bread like Maltese bread – PLEASE LEAVE IT AS IT IS! THIS IS PURE STUPIDITY!!

What’s wrong with you people??

For the Bored… and the curious ;-p

Years ago, back when I first started working in an office, I was hooked on personal surveys and questionnaires. Basically I would look out for and search different ones, fill them up, then send them to all my friends for them to fill up and send them on in turn. Irritating huh? Whatever, I was bored ;p

Anyways, just came up across one in a blog I’m following, and I got backlashed by so many memories, i just had to fill it in. Will you? ;p

50 questions 50 answers.

1: What are you wearing?

Work clothes – black trousers and red jumper with a red and black scarf

2: Ever been in love? Yes

3: Ever had a terrible breakup? Yes

4: How tall are you? Around 5’5/6 i think

5: How much do you weigh? no idea… i try not to look at the scales

6: Any tattoos? yes, 3… and more to come!

7: Any piercings? 5 in my right ear, one in the left

8: Ever done an operation? Yes laser surgery, and partial toe nail removal

9: Favorite show? there are too many, don’t think i actually have one fav

10: Favorite bands? Evanescence, Within Temptation, Nightwish, Kamelot, and many other Gothic, Melodic and Harmonic Metal bands

11: Something you miss? right now… bed

12: Favorite song? JMy Immortal – Evanescence

13: How old are you? 29

14: Zodiac sign? Saggitarius

15: Qualities you look for most in a partner? honesty, trustworthiness, intelligence and kindness

16: Favorite Quote? The fight is not over until you have won it – Robin Hobb

17: Favorite actor? Johnny Depp

18: Favorite color? Black and/or dark red

19: Loud music or soft?depends on my mood

20: Where do you go when you’re sad? To bed or near the sea

21: How long does it take you to shower? Around 10 mins

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 15 to 30 mins

23: Ever been in a physical fight? yes though not by choice

24: Turn on? Black leather and long hair

25: Turn off? Arrogance and stupidity

26: The reason I made this blog? To write more

27: Fears? Getting pregnant, being trapped, heights

28: Last thing that made you cry? Dont remember

29: Last time you said you loved someone? Last night

30: Meaning behind your blog Name? ‘Moonsong’ has always been my screen name and ‘Darkly Dreaming’ is inspired by the first novel in the ‘Dexter’ series

31: Last book you read? The Born Queen – Greg Keyes

32: The book you’re currently reading? Since I finished the last one this morning, nothing yet ;p

33: Last show you watched? One Foot in the Grave

34: Last person you talked to? A collegue

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? my bf

36: Favorite food? pizza and tortellini with white sauce

37: Place you want to visit? there are so many! the whole world!!

38: Last place you were? home

39: Do you have a crush? I have a love ;p

41: Last time you were insulted? weekend before last -.-

42: Favorite flavor of sweet? orange

43: What instruments do you play? used to play piano a bit

44: Favorite piece of jewelry? my pentacle silver ring

45: Last sport you played? volleyball at school lol

46: Last song you sang? something yesterday while i showered, dont remember what

47: Favorite chat up line? I don’t like chatup lines, they’re cheesy.

48: Have you ever used it? nope

49: Last time you hung out with anyone? yest with my bf

50: Who should answer these questions next? Everyone who reads them!!

Jack Frost – Movie Review

I think this afternoon I just reached the pinnacle of Xmas Slasher funny moments. Seeing a serial killer snowman rape a girl with his carrot nose in a shower… well now I guess I’ve literally seen it all haven’t I? Lol.

As you have probably surmised (at least, I hope you have), this is not Jack Frost the 1998 family movie starring Michael Keaton… oh no lol. This is the 1997 slasher movie where a serial killer, while getting transferred to a facility where he’s going to be executed for his crimes, gets drenched with a mysterious new experimental chemical when the van he is in collides with another one. The murdering maniac gets liquified and disappears in the snow, only to reappear later and start haunting the sheriff who had originally caught him. As usual, the FBI get involved (seeing as how the mysterious chemical was a federal invention in the first place) and try to catch the mysterious new killer while keeping the whole operation hush hush. FBI big boy clashes with the small town sheriff, while people start to get murdered left, right and center, and we realize that the killer has miraculously turned into a snowman, who can liquify and then re-solidify himself into snow, sliding under doors, into cars and other crevices…

The culminative creativity of the screen writer finds its leeway when the usual couple about to have a shag appear on screen. The guy goes first of course, then the girl decides to take a shower (this, when she knew her brother had been killed a couple of hours earlier… wow talk about a skin-flint)… anyways we realize that her bathwater is actually the snowman! Up he pops and proceeds to bump the life out of her, but not before we realize that some other shagging had been going on… his long orange carrot nose had in fact been missing from his face… and guess where it pops up again?! LOOOOL

Anyways, obviously the good guys finally win the day, as they first burn dear Jack, who re-spawns (from his own vapour no less) and then proceeded to destroy him with anti-freeze, collect the remaining particles and bury them in a number of bottles. The screen grows dark while the mixture of anti-freeze+Jack churns menacingly in its containers.

I already know there’s the second Jack Frost movie, which, as usual, will be more ludicrous and astonishingly cheesy than the first. Can’t wait! :-p

Bfast Weirdness

Currently at a relaxing weekend break with my other half. After a sumptuous buffet dinner yesterday (felt too tired to go back up to the room after… thank all the gods for lifts), we had ANOTHER buffet, this time a bfast one, this morning. There were fruits of all kinds, cereal, platters of cheeses and hams, yoghurts, English bfast, muffins, cakes, etc, etc…. and my boyfriend took THIS:

Soup of grapes in strawberry yoghurt! lol ok say it with me WHAT THE FUC…!!

Haha.

I guess I dont have time for more today. Soon off for a hot stone massage, then a picnic on the cliffs, followed by a small nap, and tonight after going to some Pizzeria we are off to watch Wayne Hussey (from The Mission) perform live and afterwards enjoy the after-party with some friends.

Btw, this weekend was my second year anniversary present to the bf. Nice ain’t I? ;p