Post-Valentine – What is Love?

Having just come back home after a week in Tuscany celebrating Valentine’s with my one and only – I admit to be having some internal thoughts about love at the moment. I don’t usually rant on about relationships online since for me this is a personal subject, and I’m not going to go into details in this post either… however…

Having the time to spend one whole week isolated from the world apart from ‘me and him’, had its advantages. Might I add that we knew no one in Tuscany and had almost no contact at all with ‘the great net’ since we were in a small house in the Tuscan countryside where internet connection was crap lol. To be honest, I found this very restful and very conductive to spending more quality time together.

IMG_20180216_200816_313

Coming back home to ‘civilization’ was like taking a sudden shower of cold water. Backtracking through all the social media tags and chat attempts was tiring, as was the realization that for most people, Valentine’s seems to be either a way of ‘showing off’ in a kind a ‘mine is better than yours attitude’, or else a way of taking a dig at some ex in a ‘look now I have a new partner and he’s much better than you’ yada yada yada… status…

Here we go again…

Seriously, first of all, how can you compare one relationship to another? Yes of course you can compare the difference between the way one partner treated you or communicated with you vs your new partner, BUT the dynamics in each and every relationship is different, as are the targets and needs of each person. Also, if you are still going on obsessively about your ex… are you really in love with your new bf/gf? Hmm…

Im+not+buying+it+pics+with+timestamp+or+it+didnt+_3df567cb5c04c6915eca5d738d676227

And trying to pit your relationship against someone else’s to see whose is ‘best’? Purleaseeee how damn childish. If all you think about is whether you are ‘ahead’ in some game between you and others, than you are not really focusing on your own relationship which should be your priority right? Relationships are not a competition, plus different couples want different things. In this case, you’d better do some introspection and see whether you are REALLY in love with your partner, or whether s/he’s just someone you are with in order to not be single.

28059065_10156204792754343_8773212953637774237_n

After more than five years meeting almost every day with the same person, comprising almost three years of living together, I can say I am pretty qualified at this point to realize what both me and my bae want from this relationship and what makes us happy. Doing so before the first couple of years is usually impossible, since most couples during that time are still in their ‘honey-moon period’ where they show the best aspect of their characters to each other, and not their WHOLE self, and where lust often blinds them to hard truths. This is why it is so important not to rush into things. Then again, I’ve known couples who were together for ten years, then as soon as they purchased a home and started to live together, broke up within one month (true story). Living day after day together is, I think, an essential part of a relationship, not to mention being a ‘growing up’ period. 

240_F_103214271_KKfz0LKzeLjUCTp40mtJ1Agh1y136jSH

I am very proud of the way me and my soul mate have grown up and evolved together as a couple. My feelings for my partner have matured and grown with time, as we have faced various adversities and problems together, from the every day stuff like fixing leaky plumbing or facing financial challenges, to the serious issues such as loosing loved ones and health problems. Three years ago, I believed we already knew what we were getting into and that we each knew each other as well as could be, however now, today, I know that wasn’t true, and that a couple cannot be really said to be one unit, until some time has passed and they have truly learnt what it means to share one world together.

Phew that was some rant! This is what comes out of having no internet for seven days! Lol, jokes apart – during this week, I fully realized that I am really happy to be at this point in my life, and that I want nothing more from my love-life, except for it to remain exactly as it is.

Just perfect.

IMG_20180217_141522_299

How are you spending Valentine’s Eve?

   

How to spend Saint Valentine’s Eve

Once again, what is probably one of the most debated and vilified dates on the yearly calendar is approaching. Valentine’s Day – singles say it’s over-rated, others rightly highlight the fact that one needs to show love all days of the year not on one particular day, there are those who maintain that it is nothing but the product of a capitalistic society, while on the other hand certain couples go into an orgy of roses, posed photos, pink-wrapped gifts and love poems.

Whatever your cup of tea, my philosophy is that any excuse is a good one to show someone you appreciate him/her, do something special and spend some quality time. Here are some ideas on how to spend this day on the islands of Malta.

1. TRADITIONAL WINE AND DINE EVENING

Grab your partner, give them some roses, a box of chocolates with a large pink or red bow, and a card full of flowery (probably recycled) poetry, then whisk them away to one of the many tasty restaurants around the island. A location with a view is always more romantic, as is a candlelit atmosphere. Others prefer to break the bank and experience a gourmet or special cuisine. Or why not try sampling something new at an Indian, Moroccan or ethnic restaurant? And the best thing is – you don’t need to be a couple to enjoy a meal out, just grab your friends and do it!

2. DRINK AND DANCE

Whether you’re single or not, one can never go wrong with cocktails. Be it at a traditional wine bar, or a noisier open-bar, relaxing and chatting is surely a great way to spend an evening. And after drinks, why not head to a vibrant club to dance the night (and calories) away? You can either take the opportunity to make some provocative new moves on your partner, or, if you’re single, mingle and meet new people!

3. NIGHT HIKE/PICNIC

Those who don’t want to please capitalists, or those who just want to enjoy nature or do something different, could opt for a simple evening out with a loved one, with friends, or even on their own with a good book, enjoying some peace and quiet near the sea or surrounded by the Maltese countryside. Beware though, as it might be a bit chilly at this time of year. So, pack some coffee in a thermos (perhaps garnished with some vodka), grab your scarves and picnic blanket, and head out for a night under the stars.

4. GOZO

If you want to escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, taking your partner on a day-trip (or weekend) to Gozo, might be what you need. Take a break from your routine and from the places you see again and again every single day. Isolate yourself from social media and the internet. Switch off your phone. Take some time to think and recharge.

5. HOLISTIC THERAPY

Another way to relax, either alone, with friends, or with your significant other, is to take some time to enjoy the moment and de-stress both body and mind. Make an appointment at a spa, a massage parlour or a Reiki practitioner. Taking care of one’s own mental and emotional health is important, and doing so while with the person you care about most, sharing such an experience, could bind you even further together. Whether in a relationship or not, it could also be an opportunity for you to chill out, take a retrospective look at your life, and affirm with yourself what your goals and targets are.

The reality is that you don’t really need to wait for Valentine’s Day to do any of the things mentioned above, however life today is so rapid and we are always so very busy, that the wakeup call tends to arrive mostly during such days – when society and the calendar highlight one date in particular, and you find yourself asking the mirror whether you are happy with how ‘another year’ is proceeding or whether it’s time for a change. Either way, enjoy it!

This article was written by me and originally published at http://livinginmalta.com/miscellaneuos/saint-valentines-eve/

Not a Boring Post

Yesterday I was talking to my new colleague about an ex-colleague, who had once been her boss (she became her boss after leaving my office). At the time when this person still worked with me (a couple of years ago now), she wasn’t my boss though. Thank all the gods. Thing is, she was one of the most self-centered, obnoxious, hypocritical people on earth. Her low-self esteem, which she transformed into emotional bullying, did not help either. I spent 3 years working in the same office with her, and I must admit it was one of the most stressful times of my life.

images (1)

While talking with my new colleague, I vented a bit and told her stuff I had never told anyone except my partner about the way this person used to try and manipulate people. Not to mention all the ‘stories’ she used to tell me pertaining to her sexual and dating escapades, which only served to fuel my antagony towards her. Now let me be clear, I am very open minded and never judged any of her actions – the thing is, when you are in a professional setting, you just shouldn’t talk about certain things with colleagues! Period! This really made me uncomfortable with her, especially since she used to get into graphical details – very PERSONAL details, which I really didn’t need or want to know!

images (2)

When I described this one-sided relationship to my new colleague (because I for sure NEVER shared such intimate stuff with her in return), she was astonished. ‘No wonder you couldn’t stand working with her any more! I don’t even tell such personal details to my closest friends, let alone talk about them at work!’ That was her reply, and I was glad to see that I was not the only one thinking like that.

Yes some colleagues are also friends, but there is still a line which must never be crossed.

By the way, NO she particularly wasn’t a friend – in fact professionally, she was actually a fraud. She never did any work, came to the office late and left early, and even tried to get ME to do her work while taking all the credit. And THAT is where I got really fed up, told her to fuck off, and refused to work, talk, or interact with her in any way. I had been fed up with her for a long time, but I am not the kind of person to fight at the drop of a hat, so I try to reign myself in and calm down… HOWEVER when I realize that a person is hopeless and can only be of detriment to me, I tend to categorize her in my mind as a ‘waste of time’, and just move on. And when that line is drawn, I never go back, and good riddance (it’s the kind of thing which happened with most of my exes).

512382_wookmark

The line was not drawn when she told me more than I (or anyone would have) felt comfortable with, but since she was a work-mate, it was drawn in relation to her work attitude. Having her moaning and groaning about her ex, and her one-night stands every bloody day for three years, did not help either lol. For me, personal and intimate stuff, particularly that pertaining to relationships, is PERSONAL. Meaning that since for me, it is special and magical, I do not share it with anyone and everyone who comes along – and this is why THIS blog is not a romantic one by the way. I rarely, if ever, mention my soul mate and partner, not because he is not always there, present in my life and a priority – of course he is, BUT because, in fact, my life with him is MINE and I do not feel comfortable sharing it on a blog. There is plenty much else I can write about anyways, so I don’t need to resort to that. 

Not to mention that I don’t want to be repetitive or boring (which so many blogs unfortunately, become after a while).

stock-photo-yawning-bored-girl-pop-art-retro-raster-illustration-comic-book-style-imitation-630700160

Anyway, moral of the story – if there’s a colleague who’s bothering you, don’t wait for three years to set her in her place and show her that you want your relationship in the work place to be strictly professional. And this, of course, does not only apply to work colleagues!

1fff8d34a082fe68559dbec43298a94a--stress-quotes-life-is-too-short-quotes

Furnishing your Home in Malta

Finding the perfect home to buy or rent in Malta is not a piece of cake, yet it is only the first part of the hurdle. After one’s accommodation is chosen, the next step is to furnish the place to one’s own liking (if it isn’t furnished already of course). In this respect, one’s own personal tastes and preferences obviously take precedence, however there are also a number of general guidelines which hold true for every new home-owner.

ArticleImg27

CUSTOM-MADE VS OFF-THE-SHELF

The first thing to decide when thinking about which furniture to purchase, is whether you prefer custom-made furnishings to ready-made ones. A bedroom which is made specifically to your own tastes will obviously be more to your liking, not to mention fit in perfectly with the size and measurements of the room itself, however one must keep in mind that carpenters usually already have other work in tow, which therefore means that they could take a long time to start, not to mention finish, working on your order. On the other hand, purchasing off-the-shelf furnishings still does not mean that these will be available at the flick of a finger, especially if, as is the case with many furniture retailers in Malta, they have to be ordered and imported from Italy or Sicily. Think carefully before you decide and ask the carpenters/stores/retailers you talk to for some timelines.

643d5f60daba39d2fa17a7b2fd8eddb5--guesthouse-malta

BUDGET VS DEADLINES

This is, of course, one of the main cruxes of the matter. If you have the luxury of waiting until you move into your new place, you have the time to peruse different stores and choices at your leisure, in order to be sure you actually do purchase value for money furnishings. If on the other hand, you cannot wait for the sales, and need to move in as soon as possible, choices become much more limited, as you end up either settling for temporary and cheap alternatives (if on a tight budget) or splashing money around just as long as you get what you want quickly (if money is not a problem). It is always better to take some time when tackling a big decision such as buying furniture, since it is much better to buy a good solid dresser or sofa at the first try, rather than a ramshackle one which you know will have to be changed at a later date.

L_06427e0523c447399615bcdfc9a9b3a0_iList

PRIORITIZE. PRIORITIZE. PRIORITIZE.

A home is not made in a day. Be it the budget, the carpenter, the retailer’s deadlines, or even trouble in getting some time-off from work to let the joiners in, it will be impossible to complete furnishing the whole house/apartment all at the same time. Probably only two or three rooms will actually be fully furnished when you do move in (that is, if you haven’t bought/rented the place already fully furnished of course, in which case this article is null and void). The important thing is to make sure that those appliances and furnishings which actually make somewhere liveable are obviously there. I am referring to the bathroom of course, not to mention a bed, and maybe some sort of kitchen. This could even be a make-shift kitchenette to be used until you are waiting for your custom-made masterpiece. The same is true for your bedroom. As long as you have a mattress, you can put it on the floor if you want to move in immediately without waiting for your finely-finished bedroom furniture to arrive from Italy.

Be sure however to have the basics ready. Electricity, water, tiles, and painted walls. Don’t make the mistake of trucking in your pristine new furniture before having finished painting the walls, attaching the kitchen tiles or fixing the parquet flooring, because believe me, speaking from personal experience, you will regret it.

 

This article was written by me and published on the website LivinginMalta.com – to access the original, please click here.

Minimalism and why it doesn’t work

I’ve been seeing a lot of blog posts about ‘Minimalism’ lately, and they’ve been jarring my nerves for a while. Ever since I was a little girl, I was taught to only buy what I indeed needed, and to recycle or give away things which I did not need any more. This, after all, is mere common sense. Yet these days, plain common sense is so rare, that people seem to need to gird it in newer fancy words, and make a fuss over it, in order to distinguish themselves.

Minimalism is a trend which has been slowly infecting our Maltese shores, among others, during the last few years. The precepts of Minimalism embrace the aim of achieving freedom through the voiding of materialistic trappings which are accumulated in relation to a capitalistic-minded society. Originally, the onset of Minimalist per se originated as a term describing visual arts in the post-war Western world of the 1960s and 1070s.

31firstwords-master768-v2

Personally, as I said, I understand the concept in moderation, however putting an unneeded emphasis on it, not to mention trying to adhere to its more extremist tenets, only ends in showing up that the Minimalist agenda is not only unpractical, but actually going against its own targets. While, of course there’s nothing inherently wrong with owning material possessions, equating one’s own personal value with how much money is in one’s bank account, what car one drives, or what mobile phone one uses, is obviously self-deceiving. This however, is not the issue which is actually tackled by Minimalists, whose main tenet endorses having no more than 100 possessions in total. One could for example, still own and brag about only a few costly items, while having less than 100 ‘things’. So, in actuality, having a few items does not necessarily mean disassociation from the idea of material gratification. Attaching meaning solely to ‘things’ rather than people, personal experiences, or emotions, is the seeming crux of the Minimalist credo, and yet, having chucked all but a few of one’s possessions in the bin, does one really end up forsaking the company of his/her pc, or the fascination of an XBOX (if one keeps one of course), for human contact? Not likely.

576965520aec951a008b481d-750-563

Others maintain that Minimalism targets excess, that it leads to better prioritisation, and that it ultimately leads one to spend less. It advocates discipline and de-cluttering, yet its oppressive regime and illusion of control sees one stressfully trying to get by without certain commodities, which, instead of leading to some kind of transcendental ‘freedom’, actually ends, in many cases, by causing an even bigger backlash of ‘materialism’. Minimalism is anxiety-inducing in that one ends up feeling a failure if one cannot conform to it. Optimising the use of minimal products can lead one to over-technologize one’s lifestyle in a bid to use tools or IT systems which do more with less, leading to the conclusion that Minimalism is a movement targeted towards those who are well-off, and not towards the majority, since it also actually results in more money being spent. Once you chuck something you are keeping in case you might needed it in the bin, you cannot get it back – meaning that you’d have to re-buy the item when you actually do need it. Again, this goes against the aim of ‘spending less’ targeted by Minimalism.

115887746

Yes ultra-capitalism is a sickness. We are not our things. Yet, if the other end of the spectrum offers only extreme austerity promoting a Spartan repressive lifestyle, this is just as detrimental. In the end, human beings need to express themselves, they need to optimize their own style, and feel free to overindulge in moments of tension, in order to be fully at peace with themselves. 

Minimalistic decor can have a therapeutic effect, especially if one suffers from OCD-related problems, however there is an invigorating liberation in a spontaneous carefree use of space. Feeling comfortable and at home in one’s own personal space definitely leads not only to creativity and freedom of expression, but also to a more inspiring and eclectic outlook. Wealth is not how many things you have, or how expensive they were, it is the ability to have options and to be able to fulfill them.

If you want to give more worth to important things, try creating certain tools instead of using mass-marketed ones. Try to jazz up or individualize your space instead of latching onto an easy conformity. Re-use and re-cycle instead of chucking out ‘outdated’ stuff you haven’t looked at in a while. Don’t limit yourself or your options. Instead, embrace a more positive and DIY attitude.

RNPS - PICTURES OF THE YEAR 2014 - PHOTOGRAPHERS' STORY

Clutter and chaos is not something to strive for. On the other hand, living in a wasteland is not conductive to an energetic outlook either. In the end, extremes are not beneficial to anyone. There is nothing as healthy as balance.

A slightly different version of my article was published in the online magazine LivingInMalta.

What does the ‘ROUGH’ in ‘ROUGH SEX’ mean?

Woman-in-leather-471297

It’s indisputable that after the introduction of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise; the semi-erotic soft porn love story between a sexually ignorant student and a pervy good-looking millionaire with latent mummy-issues, the interest in rough kinky sex rose to new heights. Many husbands and partners were faced with women who, after reading the eponymous trilogy of books or watching the movie, welcomed them home with leather lingerie, candy whips and furry manacles. Honestly, I don’t think they complained.

But apart from using bondage as a hopeful plot to revive a sexually-flagging marriage, or as a way of adding new spice to the relationship, what exactly constitutes rough sex?

Want to read more? My article was published on the online mag – EVE.COM – here’s the direct link  – http://www.eve.com.mt/2016/07/02/what-does-rough-in-rough-sex-mean/  

Monday Morning (What do you think of the GRANNY PORN industry?)

I sigh and prod my face into a mask, trying not to slump. The last session has not gone well. The gynaecologist said that unless I stopped with my current lifestyle, not only would the continual discharge and incontinence continue, but the flow would increase too. I don’t really understand what he said the problem is; a ‘prolapsed cervix due to a weakness in the pelvic muscles’. Pelvic muscles – now THAT I can understand.

Mulishly, I gaze at the veggie-shop beside me. I’m so fed up of eating fruit and vegetables to ‘flush out my system’ as Dr Weiss says. What a load of nonsense. Better have surgery, like Didi, and be done with it. A little nip and tuck is all it takes. Change my way of life? As if.

It’s not that I like my job really, I tell myself, as I cross the street. I don’t. All those sweaty struggling faces trying so hard to look consciously earnest. The newbies are the worse, thinking it’s all real and then unable to do the job with all the lights and coffee-swigging mumblers on the side-lines looking on. Just another day for me – a traumatic experience for them. I guess I’m too jaded at this point. And that, too, comes with the job, as my mother used to say.

The bus stops and I get on, swiping my card and taking a look at the driver. I wonder if he recognises me, though obviously, he will not, exactly, remember where. Slowly, I shuffle along, trying to sit down gingerly, carefully, before the bus re-starts. It hurts to sit down. Not where you would expect though. My back and legs hurt, creaking with too much use. At least I never had the presumption to have any children. That would have ended my career for sure. Don’t know how they manage it – some people. Well, not all, just look at Cheeky Cherry – not even able to look her son in the face anymore. Should have known it would come to that at some point.

Arrived. I stumble past an old guy with sunglasses and a greasy baggy woolen vest thrown over frumpy trousers. Blearily he stares at me and looks away. Probably more of an interracial underage aficionado. No loss there. I round the corner, and enter the studio, a dim shabby building squashed between a hippy record store and a run-down block of apartments. Bathroom, then make-up and a look at the rack of underwear prepared for today.

images (1)

I glance at the three pimply teenagers waiting around hopefully, then spying me, with widening eyes, grabbing at the pill provided to strengthen their resolve, stiffen their spines, and everything else. No alcohol though. That would defeat the purpose. I wave a hello at Doris, the washed-out fluffer, as zombie-like, she coughs her usual mucus-riddled cackle, and sashay along towards the toilets, mockingly ogling the thin terrified wannabes. Bad, bad Nancy. Wasn’t nicknamed ‘Naughty Nancy’ for nothing.

download

© Darkly Dreaming Moonsong

This short story was sent to Keith Kreates as part of his weekly challenge – https://wordpress.com/read/post/feed/36207183/831896472

Meandering Moonsong

Each journey is an adventure. Each adventure is an inspiration. 

thelittlebookowl

books, life and other things...

Perfectly Tolerable

A Pride and Prejudice Lovers Guide to Other Books

The BiblioSanctum

A Book Blog for Speculative Fiction, Graphic Novels... and more!

Fran's World

Encounters with film, books, music, food and travel - welcome to my world!

agoyvaerts

To observe, to be enchanted, and to enjoy the simple stuff in life, is truly a delight.

Portfolio de Miguel Olmedo Morell

miguelolmedo1988@gmail.com

Art and Soul

Books served with a generous slice of cake.

%d bloggers like this: