When does Dating become a Relationship?

There’s a thin line between what we call dating someone and actually being in a relationship with them.

The word ‘dating’ denotes that the link between two people is still tenuous, that their acquaintance is just starting, and that there are still no strings attached, no expectations, and no deep emotions at play. On the other hand, a relationship between a couple is the complete opposite, since it usually means that said couple are emotionally attached to each other, to the exclusion of all other possible partners.

Therefore, while people who are still dating are still sounding each other out and keeping their options open, those in a relationship have already settled to try to make things work with that special person they’ve fallen in love with, and with whom they want to share their experiences and everyday joys and sorrows.

The tricky part, however, is to actually understand where the dating phase ends, and where the relationship begins. Some never get to the relationship nor even want to, preferring instead to casually date different people in a relaxed manner without any ties. However, for most of us, dating does eventually evolve into a relationship.

When I was younger, one of my biggest problems was in actually understanding when someone stopped being my date and actually became my boyfriend. I’m sure many of my boyfriends at the time had the exact same difficulty. So, the question arises: how do we finally become certain that the other person considers us their partner, and not just their date?

When the other person refers to you as their girlfriend/boyfriend – This is the easy way out. Simply wait for the other person you’re going out with to introduce you as such, and that’s it. Thing is, what if the other person in the couple is also waiting for you to clinch the deal? Would that mean that both of you would wait forever? Better not risk it!

When someone else refers to you as the other person’s partner, and you see their reaction – This one is pretty clear. There you are at a bottle party, and someone asks your date his girlfriend’s name. What does he do? Does he just reply calmly and in so doing affirm your role as his girlfriend? Does he hesitate? Or does he staunchly reply that you’re not his girlfriend but just a friend, and that your name is Tiffany? Hmm…

Meeting the parents – Some people believe that when a partner invites you to meet their family, that means that they’re offering you a way into it. Personally, I disagree with this theory. How do you know whether he’s so laid back as to take all his friends, colleagues and acquaintances to the family BBQ? Maybe all the family members do this. Again, if at said BBQ opportunities number 1 and number 2 mentioned above crop up, you will then be clearer as to where you stand.

Asking you whether you’re dating other people – Here, the other person will be making it clear that they actually care if you do, that is unless they’re asking you to assuage their conscience because they’re actually dating someone else as well. In this case, better come clear and demand an exclusive relationship if you want one, or an open relationship if you prefer that.

Telling you they’re in love with you – And there you have it! If you say it back, you’re in a relationship! If not, things might get a little bit confused or complicated, but this still wouldn’t mean that they wouldn’t be progressing towards one, if you want it, that is.

N.B This article was written by moi and was originally published in the online magazine EVE to be found here.

Book Review – The Retribution of Mara Dyer – Michelle Hodkin

Personal Grading – 4 stars

Considering how cheesy and ultra-‘Twilighty’ this trilogy was when it started, I’m glad to say that it did not continue to play out that way. As I wrote in the book review to Book 2, the story evolves, the characters develop, and in Book 3, we are finally presented with a specific explanation and ending. I am not sure I am totally satisfied with the ending itself, however one could easily think that Michelle Hodkin could be thinking about writing a continuation, so I’ll let it lie for now.

That being said, I loved the veiled references to the Goddess Maat, not to mention the various jokes and innuendos referring to various movies and books. Michelle, I like your reading list! ;p

Strangely enough perhaps, it’s the character of Noah which I like less. He is too perfect, too hot, too awesome at anything he does and is. I get it – he’s the HERO, but really… I’d have preferred Jaimie. With his weird-humored t-shirts, his badass remarks, his assholish behavior at times, his unswerving friendship and loyalty, not to mention his smartass attitude – he’s so much more realistic and present than Noah – with his neverending litany about courting death, for absolutely no reason that the reader can fathom.

That being said, I really liked this book, though again, I think it was too short and abrupt. But then, every good novel is ‘too short’ isn’t it?