My Secret Fear

Are you afraid of old age?

Ever since I can remember, it was not the thought of death which really terrified me, but of actually growing old. The thought of not having complete control of my body, and not being able to function in a self-sufficient manner, has always been a nightmare. I hate depending on others and being a burden, and the knowledge and certainty that someday, this time will arrive (if I do not die young that is), has always terrified me.

When I was nineteen, my grandfather, who was a writer, a poet, and a very intelligent man and whom I loved very much – had a stroke. He ended up in a wheel-chair, was not able to move the left side of his body at all, suffered from incontinence, and had to be lugged about, washed, cleaned, and taken care of by his two middle aged children and their spouses in order to survive. Day and night. Every day. For years. He begged us to let him end it. Twice, my mother found he had dragged his wheelchair to the window and was trying, ineffectually, to jump. Since assisted suicide is illegal in Malta, and since we didn’t want to let him go, we aborted his attempts. He suffered immensely for two years. And then, he had another stroke. A worse one, which caused him to actually forget who we were. I don’t even want to go into the agony I felt when my grandpa, who had been so independent, witty, and wise, who had survived the war and taught me to love books, reading and knowledge – didn’t even know who I was.

Anyways, after four and a half years of terrible pain, my grandpa died. I know that for him, this was a relief.

My grandma, his wife, is currently over 80 years old. She suffers from severe arthritis, can hardly walk, is almost deaf, and blind from one eye due to a botched cataract operation. She is lonely and misses my grandpa a lot. All she does is cry, swallow her pills (she has many of those), and pray. I love my grandma, but I know she is waiting for death. And that terrifies me.

It terrifies me because when I look at her, I see myself, as I will be, in some fifty or so years. It seems far away now… but time is short and flies quickly… and someday, that part of my life will arrive…

It does not bear thinking about…

 

Another Joke presented by… THE MALTESE GOVERNMENT!! *sigh*

This is hilarious, seriously, the Maltese government, no matter which political party is manning the post, is a total joke. I admit, they have their good moments, like finally opening up their eyes and realizing we now live in the 21st century and finally bring us to step with the rest of the world by ‘introducing’ divorce (yes divorce in Malta only became legal a couple of years ago), making same-sex marriages legal (last year), and providing a choice for children who wish to take another subject at school instead of one which promotes only the Christian religion, under the misleading title ‘religion’ (this is still in process).

However, every silver lining is to be found in the middle of a very dense and smokey cloud… metaphorically speaking.

The latest joke is this – apparently a certain study showed that more of half of the over-70s in Malta are suffering from high blood pressure (most old people do – unfortunately it’s one of the ‘perks’ of getting old). One of the reasons for high-blood pressure is also a salty diet, that is, eating salty food.

http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20150303/local/health-authorities-to-discuss-salt-content-reduction-in-maltese-bread.558236

Since the problem is that middle-aged and senior citizens seem to disregard the fact that due to body changes which happen later in life, one’s physical synapses and metabolism change, and that therefore one cannot continue to eat the same foods one ate during one’s youth with impunity, the obvious solution here would be to educate the masses. Maybe provide free classes or other information in order to make people aware of the importance of a balanced diet.

BUT NO – The Maltese government, in a funny twist of mind-numbing and mind-bending trapeze-scrambling, has decided that since old people eat a lot of bread, and this is ‘salty’, new laws stating that the percentage of salt used in dough should be written, in order for the bread one buys in shops to be ‘more healthy’… seriously… WTF?

I love Maltese bread. It’s fresh and crunchy and really different from the bread I bought while I was in other countries lik Britain, Ireland, France and even Italy. There is no bread like Maltese bread – PLEASE LEAVE IT AS IT IS! THIS IS PURE STUPIDITY!!

What’s wrong with you people??