When does Dating become a Relationship?

There’s a thin line between what we call dating someone and actually being in a relationship with them.

The word ‘dating’ denotes that the link between two people is still tenuous, that their acquaintance is just starting, and that there are still no strings attached, no expectations, and no deep emotions at play. On the other hand, a relationship between a couple is the complete opposite, since it usually means that said couple are emotionally attached to each other, to the exclusion of all other possible partners.

Therefore, while people who are still dating are still sounding each other out and keeping their options open, those in a relationship have already settled to try to make things work with that special person they’ve fallen in love with, and with whom they want to share their experiences and everyday joys and sorrows.

The tricky part, however, is to actually understand where the dating phase ends, and where the relationship begins. Some never get to the relationship nor even want to, preferring instead to casually date different people in a relaxed manner without any ties. However, for most of us, dating does eventually evolve into a relationship.

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When I was younger, one of my biggest problems was in actually understanding when someone stopped being my date and actually became my boyfriend. I’m sure many of my boyfriends at the time had the exact same difficulty. So, the question arises: how do we finally become certain that the other person considers us their partner, and not just their date?

When the other person refers to you as their girlfriend/boyfriend – This is the easy way out. Simply wait for the other person you’re going out with to introduce you as such, and that’s it. Thing is, what if the other person in the couple is also waiting for you to clinch the deal? Would that mean that both of you would wait forever? Better not risk it!

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When someone else refers to you as the other person’s partner, and you see their reaction – This one is pretty clear. There you are at a bottle party, and someone asks your date his girlfriend’s name. What does he do? Does he just reply calmly and in so doing affirm your role as his girlfriend? Does he hesitate? Or does he staunchly reply that you’re not his girlfriend but just a friend, and that your name is Tiffany? Hmm…

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Meeting the parents – Some people believe that when a partner invites you to meet their family, that means that they’re offering you a way into it. Personally, I disagree with this theory. How do you know whether he’s so laid back as to take all his friends, colleagues and acquaintances to the family BBQ? Maybe all the family members do this. Again, if at said BBQ opportunities number 1 and number 2 mentioned above crop up, you will then be clearer as to where you stand.

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Asking you whether you’re dating other people – Here, the other person will be making it clear that they actually care if you do, that is unless they’re asking you to assuage their conscience because they’re actually dating someone else as well. In this case, better come clear and demand an exclusive relationship if you want one, or an open relationship if you prefer that.

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Telling you they’re in love with you – And there you have it! If you say it back, you’re in a relationship! If not, things might get a little bit confused or complicated, but this still wouldn’t mean that they wouldn’t be progressing towards one, if you want it, that is.

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N.B This article was written by moi and was originally published in the online magazine EVE to be found here.

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Family vs Partner

I’m writing this while waiting for my better half to shower. We’re in France on holiday. I usually don’t have much time to write while on vacation, apart from writing personal observations in my travel journal, however I missed writing, so I decided to turn a bit to my blog now, since I have the time.

I was randomly remembering an old article I had replied to some time ago. Someone was asking advice on whether she should prioritize either her family or her partner, since they did not get along well together. I guess most people would reply that family are there to stay while partners come and go. Thing is, I don’t think about it that way. Of course, the best thing is always to try and find a way for everyone to at least be civil to one another, especially if these are all people you care about. However, one thing one always has to remember is that it is a fact that no one gets to choose his/her own family. Family is something that willy nilly, you are born into. Rather like work colleagues. You just find them there and can’t choose them based on likes and dislikes, on their kindness or a nice personality.

A partner on the other hand, is someone you choose to spend your life with out of all other possible choices and after growing up as a person and learning what and who you actually want in your life (unless you’re desperate to get married before you’re 35 or something, in which case as long as the person’s not a serial killer, anyone will do. Lol).

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So, moral of the story, with a partner you go into something with your eyes wide open and because you choose to, not because that’s how things got played out.

In the long run of course, be they family-members, partners, friends, or whatever, any kind of relationship can fizzle out. People drift apart, change, or plain out decide they want different persons in their lives, and one cannot take anything or anyone for granted. Thing is, as long as it’s all about choice, it is important to prioritize those who, through their actions and behavior show that for them you are a priority in real fact.

So, there you have it. It is important to know who you are, what you want from life, and who you want to share it with, because in the end, time is finite, and it is the most precious thing we have.

And remember, real life is not lived on social media. It is not about how many likes you get, it is not about people’s approval, not about appearances and not about money. Real life is about making the most out of every day, learning and growing as a person, and most of all, it is about love, art, and personal evolution.

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Now my partner is finally ready and off we go! A bientot! ☺☺

 

Have you visited the Picasso Exhibition in Valletta?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that unless you have actually been to the place you are writing about, you cannot write a good review, give suggestions, or try to ‘teach’ people anything about it. Seems like common sense right? Well, actually it is 🙂 

I love travelling. That is kind of obvious to anyone who knows me or who follows my articles or blog-posts. However, that being said, and travelling apart, first and foremost it is important to know and appreciate the beautiful and significant places within your own country, before venturing farther away. Which is why I also love to just explore all the many architectural and historical, not to mention natural wonders in Malta, the island I live in. 

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A few weeks ago, me and my boyfriend decided to grab the bus to Valletta, Malta’s capital city, instead of using the car as usual, and make a kind of adventure out of our excursion. I take the bus almost every day coming back from work, but my boyfriend never does, so venturing to Valletta in this way with him was fun as I felt as though I was seeing everything for the first time with his eyes somehow. It was a very special date, as we went somewhere quiet exceptional – to view the Pablo Picasso’s sketches which are being exhibited in Valletta right now.

Following Antonio Banderas’ work-related visit to our islands while he was working on the set for the forthcoming National Geographic Season 2 of the T.V series ‘Genius’, and portraying the great artist Pablo Picasso, a large number of the Spanish painter’s actual paintings are currently on exhibit in our shores. More specifically, the exhibition is taking place at the Grandmaster’s Palace, in Saint George Square Valletta. It opened its doors on the 7th of April and will be available to the general public until the 30th of June.

This exhibition is part of a major international project titled ‘Picasso-Méditerranée’, an initiative from Musée National Picasso in Paris held between Spring 2017 and Spring 2019. In fact, not only will more than 100 of Picasso’s works be on exhibit, but so will a number of the artworks pertaining to the Spanish artist Joan Miró – the painter, sculptor and ceramicist born in Barcelona. The exhibition, entitled ‘Picasso and Miró: The Flesh and the Spirit’, aims at bringing the public closer to the perception of two artistic creators who shook the foundation of traditional art.

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The exhibition consists of a selection of 100 etchings from the Collection Suite Vollard which belongs to Fundación Mapfre and 40 paintings by Miro belonging to the Espacio Miró exhibition in Madrid. Fundación Mapfre is bringing this exhibition to Malta in collaboration with the Office of the President of Malta and Fondazzjoni Patrimonju Malti (FPM).

The two artists’ work was paired together because of the similarities that run through their style and creative process. This is the first exhibition of Picasso and Miro in Malta and perhaps of any modern painter of this stature. Pablo Picasso and Joan Miro are two of the 20th century’s most influential artists. While the first founded cubism, the second was active in the emergence of surrealism.

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Following the exhibition, we roamed around Valletta and finally found a cute British pub and restaurant where to have lunch. A couple of beers were the perfect foil for such a day!

If you want to read more about Picasso and Miro’s exhibition, take a look at the article which I subsequently wrote for LivingInMalta magazine, here. Some of the info I wrote in this blogpost in fact comes from my article itself, but I urge you to visit the magazine for the whole thing.

Post-Valentine – What is Love?

Having just come back home after a week in Tuscany celebrating Valentine’s with my one and only – I admit to be having some internal thoughts about love at the moment. I don’t usually rant on about relationships online since for me this is a personal subject, and I’m not going to go into details in this post either… however…

Having the time to spend one whole week isolated from the world apart from ‘me and him’, had its advantages. Might I add that we knew no one in Tuscany and had almost no contact at all with ‘the great net’ since we were in a small house in the Tuscan countryside where internet connection was crap lol. To be honest, I found this very restful and very conductive to spending more quality time together.

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Coming back home to ‘civilization’ was like taking a sudden shower of cold water. Backtracking through all the social media tags and chat attempts was tiring, as was the realization that for most people, Valentine’s seems to be either a way of ‘showing off’ in a kind a ‘mine is better than yours attitude’, or else a way of taking a dig at some ex in a ‘look now I have a new partner and he’s much better than you’ yada yada yada… status…

Here we go again…

Seriously, first of all, how can you compare one relationship to another? Yes of course you can compare the difference between the way one partner treated you or communicated with you vs your new partner, BUT the dynamics in each and every relationship is different, as are the targets and needs of each person. Also, if you are still going on obsessively about your ex… are you really in love with your new bf/gf? Hmm…

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And trying to pit your relationship against someone else’s to see whose is ‘best’? Purleaseeee how damn childish. If all you think about is whether you are ‘ahead’ in some game between you and others, than you are not really focusing on your own relationship which should be your priority right? Relationships are not a competition, plus different couples want different things. In this case, you’d better do some introspection and see whether you are REALLY in love with your partner, or whether s/he’s just someone you are with in order to not be single.

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After more than five years meeting almost every day with the same person, comprising almost three years of living together, I can say I am pretty qualified at this point to realize what both me and my bae want from this relationship and what makes us happy. Doing so before the first couple of years is usually impossible, since most couples during that time are still in their ‘honey-moon period’ where they show the best aspect of their characters to each other, and not their WHOLE self, and where lust often blinds them to hard truths. This is why it is so important not to rush into things. Then again, I’ve known couples who were together for ten years, then as soon as they purchased a home and started to live together, broke up within one month (true story). Living day after day together is, I think, an essential part of a relationship, not to mention being a ‘growing up’ period. 

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I am very proud of the way me and my soul mate have grown up and evolved together as a couple. My feelings for my partner have matured and grown with time, as we have faced various adversities and problems together, from the every day stuff like fixing leaky plumbing or facing financial challenges, to the serious issues such as loosing loved ones and health problems. Three years ago, I believed we already knew what we were getting into and that we each knew each other as well as could be, however now, today, I know that wasn’t true, and that a couple cannot be really said to be one unit, until some time has passed and they have truly learnt what it means to share one world together.

Phew that was some rant! This is what comes out of having no internet for seven days! Lol, jokes apart – during this week, I fully realized that I am really happy to be at this point in my life, and that I want nothing more from my love-life, except for it to remain exactly as it is.

Just perfect.

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How are you spending Valentine’s Eve?

   

How to spend Saint Valentine’s Eve

Once again, what is probably one of the most debated and vilified dates on the yearly calendar is approaching. Valentine’s Day – singles say it’s over-rated, others rightly highlight the fact that one needs to show love all days of the year not on one particular day, there are those who maintain that it is nothing but the product of a capitalistic society, while on the other hand certain couples go into an orgy of roses, posed photos, pink-wrapped gifts and love poems.

Whatever your cup of tea, my philosophy is that any excuse is a good one to show someone you appreciate him/her, do something special and spend some quality time. Here are some ideas on how to spend this day on the islands of Malta.

1. TRADITIONAL WINE AND DINE EVENING

Grab your partner, give them some roses, a box of chocolates with a large pink or red bow, and a card full of flowery (probably recycled) poetry, then whisk them away to one of the many tasty restaurants around the island. A location with a view is always more romantic, as is a candlelit atmosphere. Others prefer to break the bank and experience a gourmet or special cuisine. Or why not try sampling something new at an Indian, Moroccan or ethnic restaurant? And the best thing is – you don’t need to be a couple to enjoy a meal out, just grab your friends and do it!

2. DRINK AND DANCE

Whether you’re single or not, one can never go wrong with cocktails. Be it at a traditional wine bar, or a noisier open-bar, relaxing and chatting is surely a great way to spend an evening. And after drinks, why not head to a vibrant club to dance the night (and calories) away? You can either take the opportunity to make some provocative new moves on your partner, or, if you’re single, mingle and meet new people!

3. NIGHT HIKE/PICNIC

Those who don’t want to please capitalists, or those who just want to enjoy nature or do something different, could opt for a simple evening out with a loved one, with friends, or even on their own with a good book, enjoying some peace and quiet near the sea or surrounded by the Maltese countryside. Beware though, as it might be a bit chilly at this time of year. So, pack some coffee in a thermos (perhaps garnished with some vodka), grab your scarves and picnic blanket, and head out for a night under the stars.

4. GOZO

If you want to escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, taking your partner on a day-trip (or weekend) to Gozo, might be what you need. Take a break from your routine and from the places you see again and again every single day. Isolate yourself from social media and the internet. Switch off your phone. Take some time to think and recharge.

5. HOLISTIC THERAPY

Another way to relax, either alone, with friends, or with your significant other, is to take some time to enjoy the moment and de-stress both body and mind. Make an appointment at a spa, a massage parlour or a Reiki practitioner. Taking care of one’s own mental and emotional health is important, and doing so while with the person you care about most, sharing such an experience, could bind you even further together. Whether in a relationship or not, it could also be an opportunity for you to chill out, take a retrospective look at your life, and affirm with yourself what your goals and targets are.

The reality is that you don’t really need to wait for Valentine’s Day to do any of the things mentioned above, however life today is so rapid and we are always so very busy, that the wakeup call tends to arrive mostly during such days – when society and the calendar highlight one date in particular, and you find yourself asking the mirror whether you are happy with how ‘another year’ is proceeding or whether it’s time for a change. Either way, enjoy it!

This article was written by me and originally published at http://livinginmalta.com/miscellaneuos/saint-valentines-eve/

Not a Boring Post

Yesterday I was talking to my new colleague about an ex-colleague, who had once been her boss (she became her boss after leaving my office). At the time when this person still worked with me (a couple of years ago now), she wasn’t my boss though. Thank all the gods. Thing is, she was one of the most self-centered, obnoxious, hypocritical people on earth. Her low-self esteem, which she transformed into emotional bullying, did not help either. I spent 3 years working in the same office with her, and I must admit it was one of the most stressful times of my life.

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While talking with my new colleague, I vented a bit and told her stuff I had never told anyone except my partner about the way this person used to try and manipulate people. Not to mention all the ‘stories’ she used to tell me pertaining to her sexual and dating escapades, which only served to fuel my antagony towards her. Now let me be clear, I am very open minded and never judged any of her actions – the thing is, when you are in a professional setting, you just shouldn’t talk about certain things with colleagues! Period! This really made me uncomfortable with her, especially since she used to get into graphical details – very PERSONAL details, which I really didn’t need or want to know!

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When I described this one-sided relationship to my new colleague (because I for sure NEVER shared such intimate stuff with her in return), she was astonished. ‘No wonder you couldn’t stand working with her any more! I don’t even tell such personal details to my closest friends, let alone talk about them at work!’ That was her reply, and I was glad to see that I was not the only one thinking like that.

Yes some colleagues are also friends, but there is still a line which must never be crossed.

By the way, NO she particularly wasn’t a friend – in fact professionally, she was actually a fraud. She never did any work, came to the office late and left early, and even tried to get ME to do her work while taking all the credit. And THAT is where I got really fed up, told her to fuck off, and refused to work, talk, or interact with her in any way. I had been fed up with her for a long time, but I am not the kind of person to fight at the drop of a hat, so I try to reign myself in and calm down… HOWEVER when I realize that a person is hopeless and can only be of detriment to me, I tend to categorize her in my mind as a ‘waste of time’, and just move on. And when that line is drawn, I never go back, and good riddance (it’s the kind of thing which happened with most of my exes).

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The line was not drawn when she told me more than I (or anyone would have) felt comfortable with, but since she was a work-mate, it was drawn in relation to her work attitude. Having her moaning and groaning about her ex, and her one-night stands every bloody day for three years, did not help either lol. For me, personal and intimate stuff, particularly that pertaining to relationships, is PERSONAL. Meaning that since for me, it is special and magical, I do not share it with anyone and everyone who comes along – and this is why THIS blog is not a romantic one by the way. I rarely, if ever, mention my soul mate and partner, not because he is not always there, present in my life and a priority – of course he is, BUT because, in fact, my life with him is MINE and I do not feel comfortable sharing it on a blog. There is plenty much else I can write about anyways, so I don’t need to resort to that. 

Not to mention that I don’t want to be repetitive or boring (which so many blogs unfortunately, become after a while).

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Anyway, moral of the story – if there’s a colleague who’s bothering you, don’t wait for three years to set her in her place and show her that you want your relationship in the work place to be strictly professional. And this, of course, does not only apply to work colleagues!

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Exploring Gent – Tips on where to go!

Hi guys, just got back from a two-week stint in the Lake District, UK! Was so amazing! I really want to write all about it but since I had already started writing about my previous trip in Belgium, I’d rather finish telling you all about that first. So, here goes!

During our third day in Belgium, we explored the medieval city of Ghent. Ghent is called the ‘Flower City‘ because of its fertile soil and flourishing colorful greenery, however personally I’d rather call it ‘Little Venice’ or ‘the City of the Canals’, because, of course, it is riddled with picturesque winding canals, just begging to be explored through a boat ride (which in fact, I actually did… more about that in another blog post).

The largest canal is called the ‘Sea Canal’ and it actually links Ghent to the port of Terneuzen in the Netherlands, thereby providing a great route for exporting products made in Ghent, most especially textiles. The canal is, of course, man-made, and it was constructed in 1827.

Wherever there are canals, there are of course bridges. Ghent, being a completely medieval cobbled city, is endowed with some magnificent stone bridges. The largest one, and the one I made a point of traversing, was the Saint Michielsbrug, which is an imposing stone arch in the middle of the city, and which was built in 1909. From the bridge, one can admire a magnificent view of the city center, with its gothic Cathedral and Baroque Town Hall. Not to mention all the cute medieval houses and many of the other canals! So very romantic!

Perhaps not so well known, is the so-named ‘Graffiti Street‘, which is, actually, a narrow winding street full of the most artistic and eccentric sprayed paintings imaginable. Unlike the rest of Ghent, this is a modern addition to the other-wise historical town. Yet, it does not detract from the town’s medieval charm. Rather, it adds some special quirkiness and color. It is actually quite hard to find and we had a merry time exploring the winding hidden alleys of Ghent while trying to find it!

No one can visit Gent without admiring its Stadhuis, or Town Hall. Built in the late flamboyant Gothic style, in the 16th century, the Stadhuis of Gent is quite large and contains a chapel, a throne room, and an arsenal hall. And talking about gothic architecture – make sure you also visit Saint Bavo’s Cathedral! The photos say it all!

Last, but certainly not least (before the boat ride, that is), we climbed up the many stairs to the famous Gent Belfry Tower, which is the tallest building in Gent. The view from up there was simply breathtaking and quite well worth the climb!

P.S Don’t forget to also take a look at the Gravensteen Palace which is a real fairytale castle! It also served as a location for the filming of the T.V series ‘The White Queen’, which I love by the way. 

More about this trip will be written in future blog posts.

Please note that all photos are originals taken by me on site (apart from these last 3 of the Castle which were taken by my other half).

 

Mini-Break in Sicily – Day 2

This is my second blog post recounting my short mini-break in Sicily at the beginning of last December – the post relating to the first part of the journey can be found here.

The second day of our stay was VERY warm. I had honestly thought it would be quite chilly, which is why I had only taken 4 jerseys and a very thick jacket with me. We only had a hand luggage each since this was going to be a short stay, so I had to make do with what I had, even though walking for hours in the stifling sun with those thick clothes was a trial. The clear blue skies above and the amazing views which surrounded me more than made up for the sacrifice though!

First of all, we visited the breathtaking hilltop town of Taormina. Found on the East Coast of Sicily, we only had to drive for around an hour and a half from our accommodation in Noto to get there. Thing is, since Taormina is situated on a very high hilltop, parking there is almost impossible, as there is hardly any space at all for the residents, much less for tourists. The narrow medieval cobbled streets, the twisting alleys and sharp corners, leave no room for cars. And if you ask me, this is also part of pretty Taormina’s charm. This meant that we had to leave the car in a large underground parking-lot at the foot of the hill. However since the parking fee also included the use of a free shuttle bus up the hill, this was actually a Godsend (believe me you do NOT want to try to walk up there on foot!).

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For those who may wish to visit in future, the car-park we used is the Parcheggio Lumbi. More info can be found here – http://www.traveltaormina.com/it/arrivare-e-muoversi/parcheggi-taormina.html

Taormina is a very beautiful little town, rich in historical gems and beautiful gardens. In ancient times it was even protected with a triple fortification system. Traces of these walls can be seen even today. Just a few hundred miles from the town’s northern gate, one can find the historical ruins of an Arabian Necropolis. Unfortunately, this is not as grand as it sounds, since all that remains are a few arches and stones in the middle of some residential buildings. While walking around romantic Taormina, we also visited Palazzo Corvaja, which today is an art gallery.

The highlight of Taormina is undoubtedly the ancient Greek Theater, which is built on the highest part of the hill. It is the second largest such theater in Sicily (after the theater in Syracuse, which we visited too on another day… more later) and perhaps the most breathtaking thing about it are the magnificent views one can see all around from the top of the ruins. Needless to be said, my camera worked VERY hard here!

After wallowing in the beauty of ancient Greek architecture, we made our way to the Villa Comunale, or public gardens. These were graced with statues in the memory of the fallen during the war, a pond with pretty red goldfish, long cobbled walks among the lush vegetation and flowers, as well as some amazing characteristic pagoda-style towers with arabesque designs, made of bricks and edged with lava stones.

Again, one could not only see Taormina beach and the Mediterranean sea from the gardens, but also the mountains and the whole of Taormina spread like a magnificent flower. Just look at these pics!

We simply had to stop here, sit down and bask in the beauty of it all. Not to mention eating our sandwiches, as we were famished after all that walking!

Our last stop for the day was the medieval historic village of Castelmola, situated just on the hill above and behind Taormina itself. Castelmola was a real find, even though unfortunately, all the coffee shops and restaurants were closed by the time we arrived. ‘Unfortunately’, because I had heard that strangely enough, many of these coffee shops sport collections of statues having big phalluses… hmm lol

Castelmola is mostly famous for its magnificent views though, mostly those which can be admired from the top of its ruined medieval fort, which today is a restaurant and entertainment center. We could not admire the panorama 360 degrees, due to the mist coming down from the mountains, however the creepy atmosphere created by the spooky weather was in itself a wonder to behold.

If a Sequel is not written by the original Author, it is NOT a Sequel

This is something which personally I never had to wonder about, but which, I realised yesterday, some people seem to misconceive.

What is the difference between a sequel and a fanfic?

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Is ‘Alice through the Looking Glass’, which is the book which comes after ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’, a sequel? Well, of course it is, since it was written directly by the same author, Lewis Carroll, and continues the journey of the main character, Alice.

Are ‘Good Wives’ and ‘Little Men’ sequels to ‘Little Women’? Of course they are, as all of them were written by the same author, Louisa May Alcott, and follow the March family throughout the years.

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Is Robin Hobb’s ‘Rain Wild Chronicles’ a sequel to the ‘Farseer Trilogy’ and the ‘Liveship Traders Trilogy’, even though its not about the same people? Yes it is, because it is set in the same world, tackles events which obviously take place after the other books and which have an impact on them, and because it is WRITTEN BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

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On the other hand, what about books like P.D James’ ‘Death comes to Pemberley’, which was written as an obvious sequel to ‘Pride and Prejudice’? Do you really consider it a sequel? The time-frames are right, and the writer is good, but it’s not written by the original author is it? The flavor is totally different. And what about Alexandra Rippley’s ‘Scarlett’, which was written as a sequel to Margaret Mitchell’s ‘Gone with the Wind’? The realistic feelings of loss and hope in the face of desperation are totally lost to a whiny prima donna who does not capture the original heroine’s spirit in the least. So, written right or written wrong, no I personally DO NOT CONSIDER BOOKS WRITTEN BY A DIFFERENT AUTHOR AS PREQUELS, not even if they do take up the original story-line and move forward from there. For me, that is pure fan fiction. Which has a totally different niche in the literary world, and which I like to read at times too. But which is distinctly different from a REAL SEQUEL, if you know what I mean.

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I hear you ask, what about Robert Jordan’s ‘Wheel of Time’ series? Jordan got sick (in fact he wrote a couple of his books while bed-ridden) in the middle of it and the last few volumes were in fact written by Brandon Sanderson – so are those real sequels? Yes they are. Why? Because Sanderson not only used the original notes minutely written and explained by Jordan, but he also continued with the original story-line as decided by Jordan, and developed the characters as Jordan had originally planned.

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On the other hand, look at the Virginia Andrews franchise. Virginia Andrews only actually wrote 6 books before dying. The ‘Flowers in the Attic’ saga (prequel included) and the standalone novel ‘My Sweet Audrina’. After that, her family said they were using another writer to work with her notes, but keeping her name on the books. Because the notes were hers. Really? I read a couple of the books which ‘came after’, and honestly couldn’t see a glimmer of Virginia. On the other hand, the ‘new’ books tackled totally new and different characters and formed up new serieses, so they never aimed at being ‘sequels’ to anything. All they did was keep alive V.A’s name, and that’s fine.

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I guess a person’s definition of a ‘sequel’ can be different depending on his/her point of view. However, for me, no ‘sequel’ is real unless it is written by the same author as the previous book/s.

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All the rest, no matter how well written, thought out and executed, are fanfics. And there is nothing wrong with that. As long as the distinction is clear.

And honestly, whenever I hear of a ‘sequel’ to something good being made (by someone else apart from the original creator), be it in books or movies, I am terrified they are going to destroy and twist the whole plot-line entirely. Think about the rumors of ‘Labyrinth 2’! *sobs*

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I am not a COOL GIRL

“Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.” – Gillian Flynn

This is one of my favourite passages from ‘Gone Girl’ and one of the most revealing ones. Here again, is a case where those who have watched the movie but not read the book, will not understand at all. In the movie, we view the main character as a social psychopath because she goes ‘too far’ when exacting vengeance on her cheating husband, without knowing WHY. The novel explains it all. Especially to those girls, who like me, were never, never will be, and DO NOT WANT TO BE COOL.

In ‘Gone Girl’ Amy, from the very first date, tries to be the ‘cool girl’ – that kind of laid-back, hot-without-effort girl every guy wants to date. A poster child. A myth. She represses her feelings, represses herself every time there is something her husband does which she does not like or approve of, is always positive, even when she feels a mess, keeps her insecurities and internal turmoil locked away, and in reality tries to change and twist her character in order to please her partner. The problem is that she not only ends up unhappy and depressed, but that her partner doesn’t even ever know who she really is.

Well, I am not ‘cool girl’. Most definitely not. If you do something I don’t like, I will tell you. If I am pissed, I will tell you. I am weird, I am an introvert, I prefer books to most humans, and I am proud of that too. I am quirky and have strange habits you will never understand (though I appreciate you remembering them and making an effort to try). I am opinionated, loud, sulky, suffer from mood-swings. Sometimes I may go days without really wanting to talk about an issue, then out it will come in one big bang. Other times, I will chew off your ear for not using correct grammar, forget I have already told you something a thousand times, go on and on about the book I’m reading, give an impromptu lesson about some unpopular historical period, or just jump and hug you at inappropriate moments.

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No, I am not cool – but here’s the thing – I am honest. I am true. And I am yours and yours only. What you see is what you get. I am scuffled, scarred, marked. I have been broken, and patched myself back togather more than once. I have been hurt, and sometimes it shows. This is what makes my love and feelings even stronger – no I could not love just anyone. I find it very hard to trust and show someone what I am really like, especially when I’m at my most vulnerable. But I have no problem with appearing weak, naked, pale and limp with you. You are the one who sees me at my best, holds me at my worst, and enjoys all the time in between.

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No, I will never be cool. I do not even want to be cool. I am myself, that is who you love, and that is the reality. I do not put on masks with you, though I might when out ‘in real life’, especially since I do not condone or agree with most of the stupid populace out there. I am an intellectual elitist who realized early on in life that she cannot stomach most people, since most people are obtuse and stupid, and that is fine. I am someone who likes debate, is loud when talking about things close to her heart, passionate, hard-headed, yet open-minded and tolerant.

You know me. The real me. No – no ‘cool girl’ trying to be what others desire her to be here. Just me, holding your hand and kissing your shoulder while you sleep, knowing that you won’t even feel me, but doing it anyway, because I cannot be near you and not kiss you. Just me, playing with your curls and loving your clean smell right after you shower. Just me, getting lost in thoughts and dreams, jotting them down at 4am and then loosing the paper. Just me, re-arranging smarties by colour and drawing matching tattoos on napkins. Just me, putting my little treasures somewhere ‘for safe-keeping’ and then forgetting everything about them, and ‘re-discovering’ them months later. Just me, talking to cats in the street, and arguing with the T.V. Just me, re-arranging my socks, singing to anime songs, tipsy on Sangria waiting for you to come home.

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I do not know what brought this on, especially since I was so angry all of last night and this morning. Don’t ask why. Believe me, you don’t wanna know ;p

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