Michael McIntyre in Malta!

It really happened! Michael McIntyre, the 41-year old British stand-up comedian and actor, finally came to Malta! Reported in 2012 to be the highest-grossing comedian in the world, McIntyre had been a long-time favorite of many Maltese satire and comedy fans, and finally these were pleasantly surprised to learn that yes, their idol was performing in Malta as part of his world tour. The response of the Maltese was impressive.

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Tickets for the comedian’s one and only performance, which was to take place on Saturday 22nd April at the Malta Fairs and Conventions Centre in Ta’ Qali, sold out within a mere 90 minutes of their availability. The response was so great, that another show on Friday 21st April, was later announced to be taking place as well.

Needless be said, I was one of those fortunate fans who managed to see McIntyre live, and boy, he was amazing. One of the things which impressed me was that even though he had been on the island for only one day, the witty and jocose actor had already started forming quite an impression about Malta and the Maltese. And as a real professional, he also joked and talked about his impression of our island during this show. Here are some points he made and which he presented in such a ribald and charming manner as to leave the audience roaring with laughter.

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Maltese Roads

McIntyre told the audience of his surprise when, as soon as he left the airport, his car started to navigate up and down Maltese roads as if he were on a ship in high seas. ‘In Britain’, he said ‘we have a problem because traffic really slows down when there are road-works taking place, as these create obstructions. In Malta, it seems like you have solved this issue, since there are never any road-works at all.’ The snide, yet sincere jab had the audience totally in stitches.

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‘It’s astonishing to see how common road-rage is among Maltese drivers. Everyone seems to be in a race, competing against each other. Your island is so small that you shouldn’t be worrying at all – you’re all going to arrive at your destination in a short time anyways!’

Maltese Women

Michael seemed to be totally serious about this one, and we all agreed with him. He said that although he had visited many different countries during his tours, he was still awed at how beautiful most Maltese women were. He also noted that husbands and partners seemed to be very proud of their wives, wanting to introduce them again and again to the same person.

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My article was published on LivingInMalta.com – please go here for the complete version.

The Female Orgasm

It is a truth universally acknowledged that it is much harder for a woman to reach orgasm than it is for a man.

It’s a fact – nearly all men climax without difficulty, and yet women seem to need more attention and more effort on the part of their partner to reach the pleasure peak of the so-called Big-O. So much so in fact, that until a few decades ago, doctors even believed that it was scientifically impossible for most women to reach this sexual climax at all. In certain cultures, those who actually did were sometimes even considered to be unnatural by their husbands or partners.

On the other hand, nowadays we get a totally opposite yet still wrong picture through porn and the media, which portray women orgasming vociferously and vigorously multiple times as a matter of course. Unfortunately, reality is quite different!

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Not all of us are automatically turned on every time we’re confronted by an excited male, nor is it so easy to reach sexual gratification just because someone squeezes our booty or jumps up and down on us a couple of times. Yes, women can reach orgasm too, but no, they do not reach this sexual target as automatically and easily as men do.

Why? Because apparently while men only seem to need a visual and physical stimulus for them to reach a certain state of excitement, women also need a mental and/or emotional stimulus.

There are two types of orgasms. These are vaginal orgasms and clitoral orgasms. Sigmund Freud, the father of psycho-analysis, used to believe that older women had vaginal orgasms, while younger and more immature women had clitoral orgasms. Experts no longer believe this. However, Freud was right in thinking that there were two kinds of orgasm. This was also maintained in a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2013, which showed how ultrasound tests revealed that the two kinds of orgasms – clitoral and vaginal – differ in blood flow and sensations produced.

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French gynaecologists Odile Buisson and Emmanuele A. Jannini tracked blood pressure and patterns as it flowed through the female body and organs, and they saw changes in blood flow during different types of stimulating contacts…

This article of mine was published on EVE.COM.MT – Please click here to read the rest! http://www.eve.com.mt/2016/11/29/the-female-orgasm-fact-vs-fiction/

Am I becoming Boring? :-(

Right now, the primary objective of my life seems to be that of building our nest.

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Nest-building can be lots of fun, particularly if you share your thoughts, ideas, exploration of different stores, and purchases, with a willing and enthusiastic partner. Unfortunately, my loving and erstwhile adorable boyfriend, doesn’t seem to be that much into it. Again and again I try to involve him, but he only seems interested in taking breaks and wandering behind me in shops, as though I was dragging him along with an invisible leash.

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Terrible analogy. I love the guy to bits, and I admit part of me understands why he cannot be bothered with hours of searching on ebay for curtain fabric, but it really has to be done right?

Are all straight men like that or am I doing something wrong?

Anyways, I admit lately I’m a bit of a broken record. As soon as I start taking care of something, I hardly think about anything else. Right now it’s curtains. I’m trying to find curtains for every balcony and window in our house – which is like 14 different ones. I measured all the apertures with and without rods (and here he did help me, after I asked for like 4 times), read a number of sites on different curtain styles, meandered through (it seems) HUNDREDS of websites searching for particular colors and textures, and still found NOTHING.

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Gods, why are curtains so expensive? Why is it so expensive to buy the material and get a seamstress to work on it? I do not know how to sew unfortunately, so I have two alternatives. Either buy ready-made curtains or find a seamstress. Ready made curtains are expensive and obviously you have to settle for whatever you find which fits your windows/balcony doors. Purchasing fabrics yourself gives you a far bigger range, but is obviously more expensive. You must also wait more for the finished product since the seamstress would still have to work on it.

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As such, I think at this point I’m going to see what ready-made curtains I find. The problem is that apparently no one has the colors needed. Another issue is that the height of the curtains I’m finding ready-made is not the height I need, so I will still  need to find someone to do alterations. At the moment I’m hoping to find a store which does its own alterations, and move on from there.

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Stressssssssssssssss…

Godsssss, can’t believe I’m spending so much time and energy thinking about curtains!!! I wish I could just toss it all to hell and sit down with my PS3. Am I the most boring person ever?

WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!?!?!

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Today I can vote…

Today I can own property. I have the right to decide whom to marry. I have the right to work and earn an income. I have the right to go to school. I have the right to take my own decisions. I have the right to be heard and to make a difference.

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It was not always like this.

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I wish to thanks all those women without whom this would not be possible. All those women whose struggles throughout the years have made it possible for me to be here, in my comfortable office, writing on my pc, earning a good wage, after having attended university, and looking forward to buying my own house soon.

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I would also like to send all my thoughts and love to all those women in other countries, in other cultures, who are still fighting their own struggle. Still being persecuted. Still living a nightmare. Just because of their gender.

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Yesterday was Women’s International Day.

If you don’t know why it is so important, please read my article published here, and think again http://www.eve.com.mt/2015/03/08/8th-march-international-womens-day-why-all-the-hatred/

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Women = You are a Blatant Disappointment!

http://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20150226/local/fifty-shades-of-grey-breaking-local-records.557723

Really? Are most Maltese women as misguided and bereft of any kind of intimacy as all that? This novel/movie is wrong on so many levels that I really don’t know where to start. Let me at least try to scratch the surface:

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1. The writing is CRAP. As a book-lover and writer with a Bachelor of Arts (Hons) and a Masters in English Contemporary Literature, I can say this with professional and experienced detachment – it is TURDS ON TOAST, and that’s that.

2. It was originally written as a fan-fic of Twilight… which says it all. Love Twilight? Love soft-porn? Here you got a mixture of the two!

3. It’s not even real BDSM!! And believe me, I know what I’m saying! The novel is about a girl who doesn’t know her cunt from her ass, meeting a ‘pshycologically hurt’, not to mention inept, guy, who thinks he wants to play Master, while all he wants is a girlfriend without the title.

4. It wrongly promotes the idea that people who find BDSM kinky and titillating, like it because they are emotionally disturbed in some way. That they get excited by whips and leather because there is some big dark secret pointing towards neglect or violence in their childhood or youth = WRONG

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What does the fact that it is such a big success say about Maltese women and women in general??

1. These women know NOTHING about BDSM.

2. They know nothing about REAL RELATIONSHIPS, or the ups and downs one really encounters when trying to build something permanent with a partner.

3. They are starved for sex.

4. They haven’t got past the ‘I’m a 14-year old gushy gushy oh-so-innocent version of femininity just waiting to be plucked’ stage.

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5. They know nothing about literature, realistic plot-lines, characterization and they know NOTHING of the human psyche!

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Don’t like my summary? Bite me!

And yes I have obviously read the the book… tried to must be more like it. The cheesiness, and plain stupidity in every page made me want the vomit. Point being – I don’t write about or criticize something I know nothing about, which is why I made the effort. I wasted hours of my life and numbed my brain for THIS.

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Fortunately for the ‘author’ (for want of a better word) many people don’t need to numb their brains to accept and ‘love’ this story, since their consciousness seems to be naturally numb already.

No more Patriarchal Religions! We need to go back to our roots and true balance!

Two days ago I randomly picked out one of those books which you bought coz it looks so interesting, and you know it is, but always start and never manage to finish anyways. This time I got along a little further than the last time – it IS good. This passage struck me particularly as it encapsulates one of the main tenets which bugs me about most structured popular religions and sects nowadays (and by nowadays I mean which cropped up during the last couple of millenia).

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‘For tens of thousands of years feminine symbols represented the universal  life force known as God. For the past 3,500 to 4,000 years, masculine imagery has represented God. All thinking people know that the source of all creation is neither male nor female, but the choice of imagery has had the effect of unbalancing the psyches of individuals and of civilisation. A balance in the symbolism of the archetypal force that represents God needs to be brought into the consciousness of every man, woman and child so that humanity will not destroy our Earth Mother. The Goddess and the laws of Nature embodied in her worship need to be brought back into consciousness so that a balanced order can prevail on this planet and on all the life forms living on it…’

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‘… The Great Goddess… was the Creatrix of all life – her realm included the entire cosmos. All the functions of the Goddess represent aspects of the total qualities of that deity. She was a reflection of the cultural and spiritual life of the peoples who worshipped her, the source or perpetual renewal, supplying all their needs and hopes, inspiring their value system.’

– From ‘The Sacred Whore: Sheela Goddess of the Celts’ by Maureen Concannon

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BOOBS, BOOBS and more BOOBS in Anime. And Mirai Nikki! ;p

It is so hard to find good psychologically-deep animes these days! Most of them seem to focus on fan-service – boobs, boobs and more boobs. Nonsensical scenes where the protagonist, surrounded by good looking willing females, always seems to end up tripping on something and falling on someone’s BOOBS, grabbing a BOOB by mistake or inadvertently catching sight of one of the female characters in a changing room, and obviously seeing her BOOBS in all their glory.

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And what about all those lesbically-oriented all-female scenes in bath together? Washing each other’s backs and massaging each others BOOBS and what-not. Does that actually happen in Japan??

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Anyways, as I was saying before, like many animes, I got side-tracked in all the BOOBS, yes finally I found another good anime. After Elfen Lied, after Death Note, after Higurashi: When they Cry, after Another, and Serial Experiments Lain… there came MIRAI NIKKI.

Or Future Diary, as you prefer.

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The anime is not overly-long, being made up of 26 episodes and an OVA. *sigh* And that is another thing, some fairly good animes are just TOO LONG. I really TRIED to watch Bleach, and I liked it too. But seriously, 366 episodes?! Please! I hardly made it through Inuyasha, even though I loved it to bits, and that was ‘just’ 167 episodes!

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Anyways, Mirai Nikki has a fairly interesting plot. God is dying and he needs a successor. He chooses a number of people and gives them Future Diaries which predict the future. Thrown into an insane game of life and death, the contestants must kill each other, in order to become the new God. The twist in the plot is that each diary is different and unique, so each contestant needs to understand the abilities pertaining to the other diaries, before s/he can combat and defeat its owner.

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I don’t wish to give any spoilers, suffice it to say that we not only get to meet many diverse and mostly insane characters, and made to understand their psychology and perspective, but we also get to face some of life’s most difficult choices and problems too. Issues like child abuse, betrayal, love, relationships, friendship, and self-esteem.

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A couple of years ago I started to buy those animes which I deemed ‘worthy’ to be in my collection, in blue-ray. Up to now I have Elfen Lied, Full Metal Alchemist, Death Note and Another. I could not buy Higurashi, as its second season was never released in DVD *sob*. I wonder… shall I buy ‘Mirai Nikki’ too? I’m half-way through it right now. I guess I’ll decide when I’ve finished it.

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P.S There are a lot of BOOBS in Marai Nikki too anyways ;p

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Put on your WARPAINT!!

Tomorrow 25th November is the International Day for the elimination of Violence against Women. I never take selfies or participate in cheesy chainletters and stuff, but this is a gesture of awareness for a worthy cause, and one which may actually help by showing people that certain things are just wrong and not acceptable, so in this case I’m making an exception.

If, like me, you want to show you want to FIGHT AGAINST VIOLENCE AND ABUSE, PUT ON YOUR WARPAINT AND SHOW US!!

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If you want to know more, goto: http://www.eve.com.mt/events/werefuseviolence/

Also, as I am one of the writers for eve.com, I also wrote an article on Street Harassment to raise awareness of the day. You can find it at: http://www.eve.com.mt/2014/11/24/heyyyyyy-lilly/

I urge you all to subscribe to eve.com which is a very informative and interesting website… after all, you can find articles by yours truly there too!! 😀